The Funniest Attack Moves
| The NES certainly has its share of unusual games, and that includes characters with unconventional forms of attack. Here are some of the funniest, or most unusual attack moves that I've seen: | |||
| Kabuki
Quantum Fighter  A colonel turned ballet dancer attacks enemies with his hair. This is probably the most bizarre form of attack ever known to video games. |
Werewolf:
The Last Warrior  Werewolf executes what I like to call the "flipping the bird" attack. (Well, that's what it looks like to me, anyway...) |
Rollergames
Beating up people with your fists is nothing new, but it's hard to keep a straight face when everyone is on rollerskates. |
Kirby's
Adventure    Nothing says lovin' like swallowing your enemies whole! (Or screeching into a microphone to blow them up, or running them over with a wheel, or...) Kirby certainly wins my award for having the most funny attacks! |
Phantom Fighter
| Most Useless Sidekick:
It seems like every so often I come across a game that is unintentionally hilarious, and Phantom Fighter is one of those. This game wins the award for having the most useless sidekick I've ever seen. You play as an old kung-fu master type of guy, and this funny-looking guy in a red outfit follows you around, and basically does nothing but hide outside while you're fighting bouncing phantoms, and then he makes fun of you when you lose. |
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 What do you mean "we"? You never do anything!! |
 Okay, now to get the crap beat out of me by this bouncing red fat guy... |
 Well, crap! Then YOU do it!! |
 Ah, ha, ha, ha! You just crack me up! I'm getting the shiznit beat out of me and you're making jokes! |
The Worst Character Names
| Finally, we end this installment of the NES Oddities with a look at
the six worst character names in NES history. Enjoy!
#6 - Astyanax: Astyanax is an ordinary freshman with a dumbass name. I think his mother was on narcotics. Update: There's a reason for this one! Astyanax was based loosely on an arcade game called "The Astyan Ax", which must refer to the actual axe weapon, but in the NES version, Astyanax is the kid and the axe is named "Bash". Weird! (Thanks to Magical Yard Gnome for this one.) |
 #5 - Mappy-Land: In the arcades, I had a cool name like "Goro". But on the NES, Namco changed my name to advertise themselves! How rude! Remember, Mewkies Are All Time! Okay, that joke didn't exactly work. Namco is cool! Nyah ha ha ha! (Hmm..actually, it makes sense, because "Nya" is the Japanese equivalent of "Meow"!) |
#4 - Monster Party: When you're a ferocious gargoyle/griffin-like monster from another planet, you need a name that strikes fear into the hearts of mortals, everywhere. That's how we came up with a terrifying name like "Bert!" |
#3 - The Krion Conquest: "I am Francesca!....Have some of my spaghetti sauce!" (Note: The opening sequence of this game doesn't make any sense, whatsoever, and the entire game is a one big Mega Man rip-off!) |
 #2 - Power Blade: Now c'mon...does it look like this guy's name should be "Nova"?? |
#1 - Kid Icarus: Now, who the hell would name a guy "Pit"?!?! |
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