Catch'em Clyde by SonicLover
This article was written by site reader SonicLover.

[A villain is talking with a man wearing a cowboy hat and holding a big net that looks a lot like a butterfly net.]

Villain: And your name is...?

Man: [cowboy accent] Catch-'em Clyde, the best monster-catcher around! I go to the most exotic places and catch all sorts of creatures with my creature-catchin' net! [swings net, it lands on the villain's head]

Villain: Ack! Don't do that! You're messing up my hair! This is a stereotypical villain's hairdo, and I'm a stereotypical villain!

Clyde: Sorry, partner. Got carried away. [lifts net] Anyhoo, my work mainly involves fetching monsters to infest dungeons and the like with.

Villain: That's splendid, Clyde. This map shows the locations of all the dungeons where I've hidden the keys to my tower. That's where we are, see? The blue X. The dungeons are marked with the numbers 1 through 7. Infest those dungeons with monsters in such a way so that as the numbers increase, the monsters get tougher. Put the toughest monsters of all in my tower, but please keep them out of the throne room at the top of the tower. That's where I'll be staying, and I hate monsters filling up my place.

Clyde: Gotcha, partner. Weakest monsters to toughest, from 1 to 7 and then the tower. No monsters at the top floor.

Villain: Good, good. But are you sure you can do this?

Clyde: Absolutely. I've tackled similar jobs before. The Legend of Zelda series, Earthbound, you name it.

Villain: Well, when will it be done?

Clyde: I'll try to get it done by tomorrow. You can pay me then.

Villain: [coughs] Pay you?

Clyde: Of course, dummy! Were you thinking I would do it for free?

Villain: Well...

Clyde: I take nearly every kind of currency there is out there. Coins, Rupees, Gil, whatever.

Villain: Gil?

Clyde: Haven't you ever heard of Final Fantasy?

Villain: Sorry. Being a stereotypical villain, I haven't really researched that kind of stuff that much.

Clyde: Well, you should. That way you'll be able to see where other villains have messed up in the past, and you'll avoid making the same mistakes as them. By the way, for no extra charge, I can put in some really strong monsters at the ends of the dungeons to guard the keys themselves. In creature-catchin' terms, these are called "bosses."

Villain: Sounds great. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Oh, and one more thing.

Clyde: What would that be?

Villain: Make sure there are some monsters on the overworld, too, but keep them out of towns. I can't risk getting sued for property damage.

Clyde: Got it! It'll be done by tomorrow afternoon!

Villain: Good. Now go.




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